I know this kid; she gets it, in her own way, she gets it. Here’s what she said.
“Imagine a needle and you drop it in a haystack”, her hand holding an imaginary object that she lets go of and watches it fall to the ground. “If you know right where you dropped it, you can easily find it. It might take some effort, but you know the vicinity of where you left it so you are going to make the effort to find it.” There is a pause, as if she is trying to picture just where that needle fell and she wants to pick it up again. “Now imagine you drop it and forget what side of the haystack you standing. You know that needle is in there somewhere, but the amount of effort to find that needle…it could take all day, maybe all week,” her head darts around like she is looking for something with a panic in her eyes.” Meanwhile, you are being distracted, have other things to do, it’s just too hard to look for that needle. You know it’s there…it’s not going anywhere. You will look later, when you have more time and you REALLY need that needle.”
What a great visual…I can see the struggle…
That needle…is the bond between the child and the parent. Lost..not gone..just lost and really hard to find because someone keeps distracting the child or it will take too much effort for the child to find.
Parents with children that are having a hard time reaching out to them, recognize that your child is dealing with a needle in a haystack. Offer them a metal detector. Make it as easy as possible for them to find that needle again. Talk about when you last saw that needle…that its ok if you can’t find it today, maybe you can look again tomorrow, but you understand if their busy. But that needle is there, just like that bond. Don’t every keep looking, just keep offering new ways to look.