Splitting… we choose to do it.

As I sit and have my morning coffee, there are so many thoughts going through my mind about what is going on in todays world..the splitting and blaming and shaming and sorrow and virtue signaling. A couple of weeks ago it was all about the royal couple and stepping down. You are either of the thinking that Megan Markle has a personality disorder and she is isolating Harry from his family or you are the group that thinks this is a bold a courageous move by the couple because of the bullying they have endured and it is about time Harry stop living under his Grandma’s rule. But how many are you are part of both groups? Now there is a tragedy of a a celebrity perishing in a helicopter crash with his daughter. So many sad posts about how great this athlete was and the tributes to his contributions to the sport. But then I wake up this morning and the dirt is out that he may be a rapist. What? Someone just died in a crash and we are shaming them because some people want to mourn him? Are you sad or not because this man is dead? Does is matter what mistakes he made in the past? Can we forgive?

And then there is the realm of what I do…coaching high conflict divorce cases where there is….splitting. A once loved parent is now painted as a demon and having to have visitation with the kids or worse yet, not even seeing them. How come we split? How come we have to have all bad or all good? How come we take sides? Why can’t we all just get along? And if there is a problem…communicate and be ready to understand and forgive. Well let me tell you…in my opinion…it is because of the environment we grew up in and we just don’t know any better. We haven’t had enough adults in our lives as children who shine a light of understanding and reasoning. We grow up thinking we have to have an opinion and a side to be a part of a group. Some of us don’t have a family so we find one, with certain values that seem to be comfortable and ring true with our inner-selves. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but we need to be aware of our choices and accept that others will have a different choice. Not a BAD choice, a DIFFERENT choice.

Let’s have our different choices be guides with unconditional love and empathy for those around us. I choose to sit back and watch how the royal couple unfolds, enjoying some of Megan’s fashion displays but feeling bad that Archie is away from his paternal extended family. I choose to mourn this basketball players death, not because he was famous, but because no matter, he was a father who leaves behind children and a wife and other family that will have to heal from this loss. And lastly, I choose both parents in any high conflict divorce. I don’t care if one of them is causing abuse other than lets identify it and fix it. Let’s fix that abuse and work on that connection for the child’s sake, because I guarantee you, that one parent abuses because they were abused and that is all they know from their environment growing up. They are having there own traumas to cope with. Why leave humans in a vulnerable state of hate? Why not shine the light on the situation and learn from mistakes and move forward with unconditional love? Why would we not choose love? Maybe because we split. Bad and Good. We feel bad therefore we sit with bad. We feel good, so we sit with good. Time to sit right in the middle, or better yet, don’t sit at all; go out for a walk and stop the conflict within.

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