What’s really best for the child

The more I do this work, the more I realize how the system has it all wrong. “The system” (mental health, CPS, Foster care, judges in family court, lawyers) look to the child for what is best for him/her, but what we really need is to look to the parents. What we can do for them is always best for the child. Unless there is documented neglect, physical or psychological abuse, we need to do everything is our power to help the parents, to help the family. If the parents are healthy, the child will thrive because it is the child that needs those bonds with parents for their own well being. The system will snap too if a mother in need who can not financially provide for her child; but they will be sure to financially cripple a parent with child support and then deny parenting time because of false allegations. Money seems to be a real way of controlling the family dynamic and none of it is used to help the family move out of the system. They would rather keep them in the system. Of course there are genuine cases of abuse where the system needs to get involved and then take appropriate steps to protect the child. but even these cases should be dealt with within 6 months.

This is where I want to go with my coaching. To make a difference for the children and their relationship with their mom and dad. There should be more rehabilitation for those parents so that the child can safely return to their parents. Not just a visiting center, but a center to also give education and support to help those parents deal with complex trauma. Because it is the trauma that gets us, its the trauma that gets passed down generation to generation and is creating instability in our communities. The unprocessed anger and events in our childhood that we recreate when we are adults because the child inside of us just wants to feel safe.

The old saying..”why can we just get along” springs to mind. Why can’t we? Why can’t we start taking care of each other instead of blaming and shaming each other. Whats best for the child? A healthy parent…

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